I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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