Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
