I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
