I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
