I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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