someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
