i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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