I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
