Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
