Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
