I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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