you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
