Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
