I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
