my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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