Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
