i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
