well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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