So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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