Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
