Do vagina's smell?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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