Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
