Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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