We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
