ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
