Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
