My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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