I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
