bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i dont even know how to be here
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
