SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
