There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why do cheetos always look like penises
it's like iHOP with fire
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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