My liver just broke up with me...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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