mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
