I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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