Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
