You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
