Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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