is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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