and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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