I am spending my child support on dildos
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
