is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
