all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
