my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
