his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
