Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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