Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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