Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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