I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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