if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
