I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
