I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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