Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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