let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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