Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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