I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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