That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
