I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
