I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I want her autograph on my taint
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
